The Spitoon

This morning after getting everyone (including myself) ready for church, I quickly unloaded the dishwasher.  Hunter was playing with a book in the kitchen and Heath (I thought) was watching cartoons in the living room.  When I finished up, I grabbed the diaper bag and Hunter's hand and headed through the living room to gather Heath and head out the door.

I took one look at Heath and almost cried.  My perfectly clean, handsome, ironed and new belt, hair brushed, ready for church little boy was covered from head to toe in.....spit and snuff!  He had found one of Chris' spit cans that was on the book shelf (naughty Daddy, this was one of four!!!  but that's another post).  In his attempt to drink the "Pepper" he had poured it all over his clothes, shoes, the recliner, and floor.  Not to mention that it was on his chin, neck, and running down his throat (probably inside as well as out). 

I gagged.  I choked.  I all but threw up.

I grabbed the phone and immediately called Chris who had left for work hours ago.  There was no cheerful greeting on the phone this time.  When he answered, I simply stated, "You need to come back, Heath found your spit can."

He didn't need to reply because I wasn't on the phone long enough to have heard a reply.  I knew he'd come back.  He knew better than not to. 

I stood for a while and stared at the child sitting in the disgusting slim.  I honestly debated leaving him there for his daddy, but I wasn't sure how long Chris would be.  I told Heath to stay put while I went to find new clothes.  Hunter followed me around in my panic saying,"Un Pepper (I want a Dr Pepper)."   In his mind he was jealous that Heath got to have some and he didn't.

I came back with the clothes and stared at the slop covered child.  I didn't know where to start.  Finally, I sacrificed my own cleanliness and scooped Heath up and headed to the kitchen.  I plopped him into the kitchen sink and in between my gags managed to peel his spit stained attire from his body.  I was doubled over coughing and fixing to loose my breakfast when Chris walked in.

He said not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings then turned with a jerk.  He wiped and he sprayed and he sprayed and he wiped.  He glared at Heath as to say, "Look, you got me in trouble."  Heath glared at Chris as to say, "Four unmanned Dr. Pepper cans, did you really think I wouldn't want a drink?"

I finally managed to get Heath cleaned up and to control my vomit reflex.  I dressed the child and loaded the twins and left for church.  Chris was still cleaning away when I left.  We made it to Church just as class was starting.  We all smelled a little funny, but we sat near the back.

Once again I would like to state that I need more Eyes.  Two are just not enough.